Work

In the last few days, there has been an external motivation for me to write again. While in the past few posts I have expressed an internal motivation to write, the truth is that most of the real reasons I have written are related to rewards from my parents. This is rather obvious in hindsight, and I have a feeling that I knew about that in my subconscious, but never thought the words "I am playing tricks on myself."

There is social desirability in being self-motivated. Even at the depths of my lack of self-confidence, I still managed to trick myself into thinking I have better character than I actually do. It took my mom and my sister constantly reminding me of the fact that I am being externally rewarded to write, before I realized consciously what the reason was.

It took five seconds to realize, and now I wonder how it took so long. All the pieces were there, I just never put them together. 

Nevertheless, it remains true that I write to remember my ideas, and no matter why I begun, it is still true that I have, and that makes me happy.